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From hoarder to home-free!

Posted on by kismac

Originally posted on April 6, 2014
Let’s face it; dirty laundry exists. There’s some that needs dry cleaning; there’s some that can take the regular cycle; there’s some that requires the gentle cycle. Should it be “out there” for just anyone to see or know? I guess that’s up to the individual. Some laundry items are dirtier than others; some are more intimate than others. While the grass-stained baseball jersey drying on the line may be a badge of honor, of a game well-played, the dainty “unmentionables” may be better being hung in the privacy of the bathroom!

Of course, the human equivalent of dirty laundry is the “dirty little secret”…the skeleton in the closet, so to speak. And let’s face it, just like the dirtie undies, everyone has their boney friend. It may be some addiction, some less than savory character trait, some socially-frowned-upon mindset, some contrary political ideas, some history of negative behavior (past or present), yadda yadda. I am assuming that in order to love ourselves, we must love our bones as well (those within us and those within the closet). By owning it, by acknowledging it, by coming to terms with it, we can acknowledge our whole person, and move into the person we are meant to be and life we are meant to live.

Among my skeletons (because like enjoying a rich dessert, isn’t it better to savor these 206 bones deliciously, one at a time? I think Hannibal Lecter would agree 😉 ) is the fact that at one time, I was a hoarder. Clever, isn’t it, that the phrase “at one time” makes it sound like it was so far in the remote past….yeah, no. Up until about, oh, February of 2014. Yep, an addiction quite recently licked (and proudly so).

What creates the hoarder? I honestly have no clue. Just because one is an addict doesn’t make one an expert on addictive behavior; just because I’ve had a certain compulsion doesn’t mean I can explain it’s impetus. I think, similarly with other negative traits, the root cause of the behavior is as individual as the person who has it. I think part of it for me was, I felt more value by doing for others, and taking care of others, than I did of myself or taking care of myself. Whatevah. I’m not a shrink!

Anyway, trust me, there are health impacts with this. Not only the obvious physical health impact (anyone seen “Hoarders” on television? Yeah, try climbing through bags and boxes and piles of stuff and NOT crash and burn at times! Let alone the impact of dust and stuff!), but emotionally also. The more clutter around you, the more you get used to it; thus, you “need” it, and feel even more socially awkward outside of your cave. Yet, you are also incredibly isolated, socially, because who can you invite into your cave? Yeah, no one! (trust me). As someone who is naturally less social than most, I thought it impacted me less than it really did; but as I have decluttered recently, I realized how much I had also isolated from my family and great friends who I truly do love and am close with.

So, decluttering is truly a life-changing experience. It is emotionally overwhelming, physically taxing, and financially stressful! Once you are in the dumping mode, ya get rid of a bunch of “stuff” (aka, crap!) that you think you needed at some point in time, that you think you were attached to. Guess what? You “need” a lot less material stuff in your life than you think! But if you get too much into the dumping mode (like I did), you do sometimes end up getting rid of stuff that you really did kind of need! It’s been a period of multiple alterations, and adjustments, and cleaning and purging and remodeling and dumping old stuff and acquisitioning new/repurposed furniture and stuff. Recognizing what didn’t need to be held on to and remembering why some things are meaningful and have sentimental value. I’ve been back in my home for a few weeks now (after spending time at my sister’s home while the remodeling/construction zone of my condo was under way), and I’m still not used to how it is….it feels like being in a hotel or something, so fresh and clean, and putting things back away, putting pictures back on the walls, going back through collections of books and music, movies and collectibles, remembering who gave me what, and where I was when I purchased this or that….it’s like the proverbial “life flashing before your eyes”, where you are recalling a lot of past memories, both good and bad. As with other changes in life recently, I’m choosing to keep the good, ditch the bad….and if it had a bad connotation in the past, there’s no rule that it can’t change to a good one now!

Still some finishing touches to do in my wonderful and comfortable home. But already, life and the approach to it has changed. I’ve gone from a point where no one had been in my home in years, and the curtains were permanently closed to the world, to a home that my family, my nieces, some friends have already been into, and the blinds remain open all day so that anyone outside can see that there is NOTHING to hide in here! This skeleton is not only out of the closet; it’s chillin’ out in the yard catching a tan!! (And MONDO thanks to my incredible family and my good friends who have supported this entire endeavor with strength, love, humor, understanding, and a great swift kick in the butt when needed!! I adore you!!)

Cliches of survival, aka suck it up, buttercup!

Posted on by kismac

Originally posted on March 28, 2014
Into every life, some rain must fall. God never gives us more than we can handle. The hard times help us better appreciate the good times. It’s not how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get back up. Yadda yadda. All of these cant sayings, these old cliches, are meant to inspire us during hard times, to keep us going during the rough seas. But let’s face it; they’re all really just nice ways of saying “Suck it up, Princess!”

They are, of course, generally true. I say generally because honestly, I do believe that sometimes God gives people more than they can handle (psychotic breaks and suicides may bear out that reasoning). But yes, into every life (as in to every climate) some rain must fall. Some people have drought for years, others have a constant deluge that makes them feel they are the breathing equivalent of Portland. And yes, I do believe in the comparison theory that, if you have no bad in your life, how do you really adequately understand and appreciate the good? While sitting here watching my kittens play, my ferret sleep, and knowing that I will be visiting with my nieces this afternoon…..while sitting on a comfortable bed, with a roof over my head, having just eaten breakfast, in my beautiful remodeled home….I know indeed that I can appreciate the good.

However, yes, into my life, some rain has fallen. I am a typical human in that way, right? (and unlike people like high level politicians, overpaid Bieber-esque tools, or Pistorius-ish creepazoids, I have the luxury of totally effing up in relative privacy!) The year of 2014 so far has been a bit of a deluge, in the psychic/emotional way, and I’m mighty grateful for the umbrella, water shoes, and having a dad who could, in an emergency, build an ark. There are occasionally things that happen that do shake you, in the essence of knowing who you are, what you are, and where you stand in the crazy world around you. There are times when up is down, black is white, and all the gray in the world doesn’t make sense. There are at times personal attacks that deserve no attention, that deserve no consideration, and are not worthy of lowering yourself to that level of disgusting behavior; but boy oh boy, don’t you just WANT to lower yourself, just for a short period of time?? Don’t you just want to give back the same level of obnoxiousness from time to time? True, who we are in the true character of ourselves is how we choose to deal with such situations, and if we do lower ourselves to the playing field of a lesser person, then we are indeed allowing ourselves to indeed be a lesser person; but WOW, ain’t it tempting sometimes??!!

Anyway. Some people…actually, probably most people, just aren’t worth that. There is so little that is certain in this world, and there is so little that we have control over in our lives; who we indeed are, and how we indeed act are two things that are ultimately in our own control. To allow another person to pull our strings like a puppet, and to make us act in a manner that is beneath us, is allowing that other person to have control. It is allowing that other person to dictate the standards of our character and behavior. And I’m sorry, but NO ONE is worth that. If what I have, if what I truly possess and always will, is my character and integrity, then I’ll be damned if anyone else will ever have control over that.

So, letting go and moving on is the best option (so many times). Seeing the rainbow come out after the rain. Watering the flowers in our worlds, instead of the weeds. I am SO incredibly blessed, with my life and who and what is in it. I am so incredibly blessed with the family I have (the best family anywhere, bar none; of course, I’m sure many people feel that way of their own family, and feel they are right, and to them, they are, just like I know I am right as well!) I am so incredibly blessed with the beautiful TRUE friends I have, who are kind, loving, supportive, understanding, and oh so fun and bright. I am so incredibly blessed with my job and my ability to do it, the most rewarding and amazing work in the world, even with it’s frustrations and stresses at times. I am incredibly blessed with all that is around me, all of the flowers in my life (and like rain, into each life some manure must fall! How else do those flowers grow so beautifully?), and the relative lack of weeds. A little Round-Up, a little pulling, and there are no weeds at all. Let them go and move on.

Much love and thanks to all of the positives in my life. Sucking it up here!