So, in the years that I’ve been alive, I’ve learned a few things about myself. I have an ongoing affair with depression. I am thinking that more and more, in this day and age, a lot of folks could say the same. My depression is not the kind that lends itself to emotional lability and dramatics (well, not most of the time!) Mine goes towards the apathetic, low-energy kind. I tend to isolate, to be lazy about exercise and other self-responsibilities (although the dog must still be walked, of course), and just overall act like a vegetable. Not a horrific existence, but not the one I want or deserve. Once I had gotten onto the path of happiness, it became my spirit journey, and I didn’t/don’t want anything to interrupt it.
I’m reminded of the Native American proverb about two wolves:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
I choose to feed happiness. And so looking at things in my life right now, I decided to take an active role in doing just that. There are some responsibilities that I can certain be more proactive with and decrease some stress and anxiety. There are some things I can leave behind that are not being helpful to me right now. There are people who are positive for me to be around, and others, maybe it’s time to mentally let go. In this time when personal responsibility seems to be scattered and fleeting, I’m choosing to feed my happy, and anything that starves is at this point, needs to go.
Find your happy. Feed your happy. How much say do we really have over all of this? As much as we choose to take on. I will….time for dinner.